Job Description, from Michael Cook
Of info I am a font –
More than you probably want –
I'll give you advice
It will be quite precise
And some of it quaintly quant…
I also discuss finance theory
until your eyes grow bleary
from CAPM to Black Scholes
I stress risk controls -
but I always try to be cheery.
Our goal is to beat a bench -
but according to Fama and French
we'll probably lag -
(a bit of a drag
when our clients decide to retrench).
We cannot believe this is true -
we're stock pickers through and through
though we think we have found
that returns will compound
more, if we keep risk in view.
We aim to be more than lukewarm,
while taking less risk than the norm.
You can't tell in advance
if it's skill or it's chance
if we do or do not outperform.
What else can I say to you?
to help our assets accrue
I simply observe
the Gaussian Curve
in everything that we do.
Kim Zussman writes back:
That last ad made me Mad
The premise - it was Off
A dance around the mean?
That makes this rabbi cough!
I promise not an average
Convergence to the mean
Just modest up returns
In good times and in lean
You're lucky to invest here
At my firm no arms wave
Because we make the markets
We know how they behave
You'll have to think a while
Before I'll take your money
It will stay in the family
Just you and me and sonny.