A Parody of Our Town, from Richard Owen

2013-05-22 · Richard Owen
Original source

Ten Moments Of Market History That Are Completely False

1. A posthumous memo distributed by Steve Jobs to Apple stating "focus only upon on a recap" was accidentally addressed to the R&D department rather than Finance.

2. Ben Bernanke carries a full beard because he and the boys went too far with a drunken jape involving an Illuminati tattoo.

3. Bunker Hunt later regretted a spot of Bazaar shopping whilst on holiday in Egypt when, upon his return, he left a housekeeping note to his secretary stating "ensure market silver is moved into corner."

4. Bernard Madoff was framed by exchange executives for running a legit fund that implemented an early version of a high frequency trading strategy.

5. Ben Graham originally began his career as an options market maker and wrote a less successful book around the concept of investing based on Marginal Safety.

6. Andrew Mellon - a culinary enthusiast - later regretted a diary mix-up in which he believed himself to be giving the quote "liquidate stock" to Wisconsin Soup & Broth Enthusiast.

7. Mark Carney is a Manchurian Candidate sent to the UK by the Quebecois secret service to settle colonial wrongdoings.

8. Warren Buffett had originally bought the Washington Post with the intention of introducing Page 3 girls but was vetoed by Katherine Graham.

9. The Denise Rich song "We Walked Away From A Love Affair" is an allegory about OPEC and the spot oil market.

10. The Paris Peace Accord was deliberately botched by Henry Kissinger because he was running a large short swap spread with his broker and saw another twenty points in bonds.